Blogging. I don't know about this.

It seems like a strange concept to me, really. I read other blogs, of course. The first one I ever read was, naturally enough, Jefferson’s. I don’t even know how I found it, but I found it fascinating in a voyeuristic way. He and I have even corresponded from time to time, which is really strange when you think about it. Complete strangers, who will in all likelihood never meet, but who are sort of friends only because of the written word, and the amazing powers of the internet.

But I digress. I do that a lot, by the way. I ramble. My brain skips around from subject to subject, too quickly for even me to keep up. I should say, I’m not a writer. The written word does not come easily to me. I’m not poetic, I’m not profound, I’m not even terribly opinionated. To be perfectly honest, I’m boring as hell. I read other blogs, and these people are deep. Or funny and entertaining. And have interesting lives. Or their blogs at least have a point, or a theme. So who am I to have a blog? Who cares? I’ve hesitated to keep any kind of journal since I was 16 years old and my parents read mine, discovering that I was having an affair with a 28-year-old man.

It wasn’t pretty.

So I’m hesitant. Combine that with the fact that (probably due to that specific incident, now that I think about it), exhibitionist tendencies aside, I’m actually intensely private. I rarely share my real emotions, or even my real self. I keep people at a distance. I’m afraid that the better they get to know me, the less they’ll like me. And while I long for that kind of intimacy, I really doubt that I’m actually capable of it. I’m 41. I’m not likely to change at this point, so like many others, I’ll just continue to want what I can’t have. Not because it’s not possible, but because I just can’t seem to make it work, to let go enough, to trust someone enough to let them that close. So how likely is it that I’ll be able to have an “honest” blog? Or at least an open one?

I don’t know. We'll see, right now it's just a work in progress.

I don’t know what kind of blog it will be, what I’ll be talking about. I just need an outlet. I spend some time on a forum that has an “Isolated Blurt” thread, where you just blurt things out randomly. Maybe it’s something that’s bothering you, or something that makes you happy. Maybe it’s a favorite quote, or a song you like, or just a memory you want to share. That’s what I’m leaning toward here. Just random thoughts, memories, and blurts.

We’ll see.

Now, I’m off to grill some tequila lime chicken wings. Yum.