Thank You

Warning - this is a whining, self-indulgent post. If that kind of thing annoys you, you may not want to read any further. *grin* Not that there are more than 2 or 3 people who read this blog, but still.
Dear X,

I can understand you wanting to end things. What I can't understand is why you chose to do it the way you did. Despite the fact that we swore to always be honest with each other, even if hurt, and that no matter what happened with us, we didn't want it to affect our friendship, you chose to end it by stringing me along for months, and then when I was beginning to have some hope that things might be ok after all, you broke off all communication without even talking to me about it. The only consolation I have is knowing that I didn't do anything wrong, and certainly don't deserve this.

I knew from the beginning that we had an expiration date. I was up front with you about how I felt about your situation, and what I wanted from you. I was honest with you about my feelings, as you had asked me to be. I have no interest in being married. I'm a fabulous girlfriend, but would make a terrible wife. I believe in monogamy, but not necessarily 100% of the time. I think most people are unrealistic in their expectations of sexual fidelity. If you had had the courtesy to talk to me about your concerns, and ended the relationship honorably, here's what I would have had to say to you:

Thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life. The months I spent with you were some of the happiest I've ever had. Thank you for making me feel alive again, for making me realize that I'm a vibrant, sexy woman with a lot to offer the right man, even as it makes me sad that that man isn't you. Thank you for making me laugh, for making me see the world in a new way, for introducing me to things I never would have been exposed to if not for you. Thank you for liking me and being my friend. Because of you, I know that I can be happy. That I'm capable of love. That intimacy doesn't scare me as much as it used to. That vulnerability and honesty go hand in hand, and that's ok. It's better than ok, really...it can be magical. Thank you for making me realize that I'm ready for the real thing. I will always adore you for that, and for many other things. My life is better for having you in it, and I'm a better person for having known you. And even though it's a sappy thing to say, and I hate sappy, I'll treasure the memories of us. I really will. You're one of my favorite people ever.

But you didn't give me a chance to say that. You decided for me that I wanted more from you than you could give me, never mind that I never asked. And having made that decision for me, you cut me completely out of your life without a second thought. So all those wonderful memories I had are now ruined for me. It feels as though everything we had, or at least what I thought we had, was just an act. I can't trust my judgment anymore. I don't know if I'll be able to get over that. I hate that I've been robbed of those happy moments. And of the wonderful things I could have taken from it. All things are a learning experience, and now this one has become negative instead of positive.